top of page

I'm struggling to transition from being abstinent to enjoying sex how God intended... Help Me!

Hey Sweet,

Wow! What a powerful admission of a reality that so many women have experienced but very few talk about. Transitioning from being content with non-sexual intimacy to enjoying sexual intimacy can feel like a struggle. For however long you were building intimacy with your partner while abstaining from sexual behaviors, you created a foundation for your relationship that involved more than physical pleasure and intimacy. So how do you get out of the abstaining mindset and into the body rocking knocking the boots mindset? Well I’m glad you asked! 

The short answer is understanding that sex should never be deemed as bad or wrong but as a gift God set apart for a specific time/season and sis, THIS. IS. YOUR. TIME!.

Adding sex as another way to build intimacy and experience pleasure with your husband can be viewed as a new and exciting journey that only the two of you will ever know. We know that God created sex to be enjoyed and for the husband and wife to literally become one flesh(Ephesians 5:31). But wait, it gets better. Proverbs 5: 18-19 talks about not only having sex, but enjoying it. 

The work may begin with acknowledging you are in a different season and this is the season God intended for sex to happen. Take time to explore different types of foreplay and think of sex as “study sessions”. Explore and get to know each other's bodies and communicate what you like and do not like. Even if you and/or your husband had previous sexual partners, you do not know each other’s bodies and sexual desires. Learning what sex looks like for you two will take some work and lots of practice(wink wink).  

While we are discussing sexual intimacy as a new way of connecting, I also want to put out there that you can still engage in the types of intimacy you were already practicing. Taking those non-sexual forms of intimacy and adding on sexual components do not always have to result in penetrative sex. If you enjoy massages, maybe make it a full body massage including a little genital play. If you enjoy kissing, maybe kiss every part of each other's body. If you both enjoy talking, maybe try some erotic(dirty) talk.

Sex is so much more than penetration and starting out with something you are familiar with may help ease you into being attuned and welcoming of your sexual desires.

So, while switching mindsets may be a struggle presently, *Alexa play VaShawn Mitchell "Turning Around for Me", it won't always be like this. Remove the pressure to “be” or do” off of the table and simply enjoy this season with your husband. Remember that God created sex and set it apart for this specific time. Remember that you don’t have to jump right into whatever society may be telling you is sex. Remember that the same way it took time for you to become content in your relationship while abstinent, it may take some time for you to be content in your relationship now that sex is an option for intimacy. This is a time of exploring and learning and oh what a time it is! 

Let us pray.

Father God , Thank you so much for your daughter. Thank you for standing with her during her season of waiting and abstaining. Thank you for her marriage and union. Father I ask that you open her heart and allow her to view sex the way you intended which is to be pleasurable and a way to connect within her marriage. I come against anything that may be causing shame because we know that is not coming from you. Bless her father as she begins to explore and build sexual intimacy with her husband. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen. 



Does this sound like you? Are you looking to finally walk fully into who God has freed you to be in and out of the bedroom? Are you ready to wage war against the enemy by creating a sexually excellent marriage bed? Apply today for the Naked & Unashamed: Building Sexual Confidence as Christian Woman program.

199 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page